Chores

This post isn't very elegant or amusing. Instead, it's a rant about one of the frustrations that comes with living in a multi-generational household.

Dad with my cat Mia a few years ago.

My father will turn 81 in August. Surprisingly, he is in pretty good health for his age. He gets dizzy, and we think it is a result of brain surgery he had 14 years ago to remove a benign tumor. He also has diabetes, but has managed to control it through his diet. He has a cataract and poor hearing. Otherwise, he's in good shape. Unfortunately, I worry that he won't remain in good health if he doesn't get out of his damn recliner. Dad doesn't do anything or go anywhere unless we make him. Yes! Make him! Aside from worrying about his health, I am also rather annoyed by his failure to contribute in any way to this household, to this family.

On the other hand, my mom, a medical mess, despite having difficulty walking, even with a walker, does what she can around here to contribute to whatever chores are necessary. Obviously I don't want her running a vacuum or mopping the kitchen, but she does many other things that really help. She cleans out the fridge every week, helps load and unload the dishwasher, and dusts. She contributes to meals by sharing the cooking. She looks after the dogs when my husband and I are at work.

We're all getting rather tired of my dad's laziness. This isn't something that came with age. Even when he was active--fishing, hunting, camping--he did nothing at home. He always expected mom to take care of dinner, clean up after him, do his laundry, etc. Mom, being a bit of a pushover sometimes, bent to his will and took care of everything for him. I asked her if he was always like that, and she said yes, that she married him that way. I can't imagine!

Anyway, 80 years of having to do nothing at home has made dad one lazy and selfish man. He won't put even his own plate in the dishwasher. He won't take the trash out if he sees it is full. He never wipes a counter or table. He still doesn't fold his own clothes.

My husband and I have had it with this behavior, but we're not sure what to do. See, if we say anything to my dad, he throws a tantrum. He'll stomp off and not speak for a while. When he finally calms down, he goes back to doing nothing.

I thought maybe an assigned chore would alleviate some of the annoyance we feel, and help him contribute to the house, but I'm not big on assigning tasks to a grown man. Basically, we just don't know what to do, or how to respond to this behavior. It's rather maddening!

Mom's Boots Aren't Made for Walkin'

It was my initial intention to keep this blog light-hearted. I planned on sharing some of the amusing or baffling conversations and events that occur when there are huge generational differences occurring among individuals in the same household. I've realized, though, that sometimes, I may need to explain the not-so-humorous, maybe even the frustrating parts of our lives.

My mother is a very sweet woman. I've never met anyone who hasn't liked my mom, and there is no reason not to like her. There is a lot to love about her, in fact. She is generous, considerate, selfless, encouraging, and all around kind. Despite that, mom and I have our differences. She and I are very different people, and we don't always see eye to eye. In fact, there are very few things we agree on. One thing we do agree on is that her leg ulcers suck! I should've found a more elegant way to put that, but "suck" is the most accurate description.

Mom has been suffering for a few years now with leg ulcers. There is no single cause that can be addressed. Part of the problem is that she is borderline diabetic, retains water, and has arthritis. The wound care specialist (who is a wonderful doctor, by the way) suggested that she  might be predisposed to this problem because her veins are close to the surface of her skin. Combine all this, and my poor mom suffers almost constantly from nasty, painful ulcers that sometimes end up infected. I'll spare you any images, as they aren't a pretty sight. Just a few weeks ago they got so bad that she was hospitalized for five days and treated with three different intravenous antibiotics several times daily.

When mom is home, I usually care for her wounds. Medicine and bandages need to be applied daily after a thorough cleaning and sterilization. We both hate it. Sometimes, it hurts so badly that she cries. I start to cry because I am causing her more pain in treating them. I hate it. She hates it. For a while, she had nurses who would come a few times a week. It took some of the burden off me, and  mom appreciated it because she already feels badly that I care for her regularly. Unfortunately, nurses are expensive, even with her insurance, and the cost became prohibitive.

Two days ago, mom was down to only one small wound that was healing nicely. We were both feeling confident that she might have a reprieve. We were hopeful. Last night, she developed three more wounds. I feel badly for her, and yes, I know it's probably wrong, but I feel badly for me, too. I hate changing those bandages as much as she hates having the ulcers in the first place. Poor mom. I really wish we could get rid of these for good.

There is some hope, though. Today, a nurse is coming here to measure mom for a pneumatic boot. It's a boot that goes up the calf and applies pressure. This pressure helps reduce water retention in her legs and feet, thereby reducing the number and frequency of ulcers. As we understand it, she would have to wear this boot for fifteen minutes at a time three times daily indefinitely.

We're both keeping our fingers crossed that it works.

Image from nopcoclinics.com

Introduction to Living with Seniors

Welcome, and thanks for stopping by! Though I'm not entirely new to the blogging scene, this is my first serious attempt in years. The purpose of this blog is to share the joys and frustrations of my daily life with my parents. My husband J, a wonderful man, and I moved my parents in with us when we bought our first home. Perhaps a little background on the parents will explain why.

Mom is in her mid-60s with serious health complications. Along with severe asthma and a seizure disorder, she suffers from diabetes, arthritis, and leg ulcers. She is able to get around using a walker, but we fear those days will soon be ending. We have a wheelchair for her, but her weight prevents us from using it often.

Dad is in his early 80s. Generally, his health is ok for a man his age. When he was 68, he underwent brain surgery to have a tumor removed. He recovered well, and only suffers from slight dizziness and imbalance on occasion. He has poor eyesight --a cataract he refuses to have removed-- and poor hearing -though he has just been fitted for a new hearing aid. He needs a second aid, but of course his insurance will only pay for one per every 3 years. He was diagnosed with adult onsent diabetes, but manages it with his weight.

Neither mom nor dad were capable of keeping up with the demands of owning their home. It was already in poor condition, and getting worse every year. They are both on fixed incomes, and it wasn't enough for them to make it on their own. Instead of putting them in a high rise or leaving them to fend for themselves, my husband and I took on the challenge.

In addition to my parents, we are also proud pet-parents. We have a 9 year old cat named Mia, a 7 year old Cocker Spaniel named Paws, and a 1.5 year old Black Lab/Weimaraner mix named Fenris.

So, four adults and three animals results in quite an interesting household. It's my hope to share a piece of our lives.

Feel free to leave comments, or email laurajandseniors (at) gmail (dot) com.

Our house the day we bought it: