Chores

This post isn't very elegant or amusing. Instead, it's a rant about one of the frustrations that comes with living in a multi-generational household.

Dad with my cat Mia a few years ago.

My father will turn 81 in August. Surprisingly, he is in pretty good health for his age. He gets dizzy, and we think it is a result of brain surgery he had 14 years ago to remove a benign tumor. He also has diabetes, but has managed to control it through his diet. He has a cataract and poor hearing. Otherwise, he's in good shape. Unfortunately, I worry that he won't remain in good health if he doesn't get out of his damn recliner. Dad doesn't do anything or go anywhere unless we make him. Yes! Make him! Aside from worrying about his health, I am also rather annoyed by his failure to contribute in any way to this household, to this family.

On the other hand, my mom, a medical mess, despite having difficulty walking, even with a walker, does what she can around here to contribute to whatever chores are necessary. Obviously I don't want her running a vacuum or mopping the kitchen, but she does many other things that really help. She cleans out the fridge every week, helps load and unload the dishwasher, and dusts. She contributes to meals by sharing the cooking. She looks after the dogs when my husband and I are at work.

We're all getting rather tired of my dad's laziness. This isn't something that came with age. Even when he was active--fishing, hunting, camping--he did nothing at home. He always expected mom to take care of dinner, clean up after him, do his laundry, etc. Mom, being a bit of a pushover sometimes, bent to his will and took care of everything for him. I asked her if he was always like that, and she said yes, that she married him that way. I can't imagine!

Anyway, 80 years of having to do nothing at home has made dad one lazy and selfish man. He won't put even his own plate in the dishwasher. He won't take the trash out if he sees it is full. He never wipes a counter or table. He still doesn't fold his own clothes.

My husband and I have had it with this behavior, but we're not sure what to do. See, if we say anything to my dad, he throws a tantrum. He'll stomp off and not speak for a while. When he finally calms down, he goes back to doing nothing.

I thought maybe an assigned chore would alleviate some of the annoyance we feel, and help him contribute to the house, but I'm not big on assigning tasks to a grown man. Basically, we just don't know what to do, or how to respond to this behavior. It's rather maddening!